Dear Jessica Simpson,
I feel like you've been pregnant for about 3 years. You're fucking humungous right now. Usually, I feel a sense of vicarious happiness for people that are pregnant. But you, for some reason, just gross me out. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel when I look at you... probably because I can easily imagine you gorging yourself on pudding, pickles, and hot dogs while watching a Law and Order SVU marathon.
Now, the fact that you have almost detail for detail copied Demi Moore's iconic Vanity Fair pregnant cover makes me irrationally angry. I know there have been many pregnant celebrities in between that have copied the photograph, but you have done it down to the middle finger yellow ring. I recognize that you probably had very little to do with the creative direction of this photo shoot, but let's face it, even if you did, you wouldn't have anything intelligent to say. Sorry (i'm not sorry).